Wednesday, April 4, 2012

things lately...

ever since i reactivated my facebook, i haven't blogged much at all. pretty much zero. i kinda miss it you know? getting to write down what i'm thinking at the moment never really imagining anyone reading it; but the idea of your thoughts being out in the open able for anyone to read (even though they probably wont) is kind of refreshing. i tend to keep my thoughts locked tightly in my head and only tell people when they ask. so this is like the complete opposite.
sometimes i feel like i'm failing at life. honestly. i just was thinking that to myself about 2 seconds ago. i am putting about zero effort into school right now, and the only reason is because i don't want to. i have no idea what i'm going to do for my major, and i swear if i hear one more person say to me "oh don't worry. that's totally ok. its better to find what you like to do then do something find out you hate it and your stuck. its completely normal" i will scream. i think that conversation is programmed into every single college persons head just to try to make those of us who are completely lost feel a little better. well it doesn't. its about time i figure out what the heck i'm doing. just an all over sense of failing is what i'm feeling right about now as the semester dwindles to a close. i look back and realize how many mistakes i made and the millions of things i could have done better. but i'm so past caring at this moment. and the only thing i want more than this semester to be over is to be home, with my family, in my house. i close my eyes and picture my cozy little home and spending hours with my family and my heart longs for it. i want to jump up from my chair, run to my car and drive the 8 hours until i'm back home in glendora and i'm away from this place and this semester. alas...i cant. sad right??
but, even though i wont be going home for spring, i know it will be great staying in provo. it makes me a little bit sad (actually more than a little), but really excited. and eventually (or 15 days) this semester will be over, and whats done is done. it will be a whole new experience being here for summer, living on my own not going to school, and i'm looking forward to it. whatever the summer has to offer, i am ready for it.